Counting Down
by Tin Heart
Summary: Challenge response to involve the ten most annoying things a fan fic writer can do...


Title: Counting Down. 

Author: Tin Heart 

Disclaimer: Not mine, if they were I'd treat them better! 

Summery: Challenge fic including the 10 most annoying things a fan fic writer can do. (Yep, all ten!) 

Warning: Not for the humor impaired. If you hate this, talk to Leste, it was her list! Rated PG 13 for EXTREMELY slight M/M interaction. Also this is not Betaed... 

Authors Notes: Since I'm technically not allowed to post a list here I've worked the original list (By Celeste BTW) into the story. The list does not belong to me. The rest belongs to my insanity. Enjoy! 

Counting Down 

_10. Have a main character start a relationship with an original character. (You must ask yourselfWHO THE HELL CARES?!)_

Marina Sue (Mary for short) walked down the streets of L.A. literally stopping traffic with her beauty. Lurking in the shadows she spy's the very man she came to see. "Oh Spike baby, over here Hun!" She called flashing her dazzling smile and cause the deaths of several male drivers. 

Spike looked up with only the faintest trance of fear in his eyes. "Hell no love, I'm above a bloody Mary Sue shag, thank you very much." Backing away deeper into the shadows. 

"Uh. uh, uh..." Chided Mary Sue in her voice that put Angels to shame. " Now now, you know the rules. I'm Mary Sue, I get whatever I want... And right now I want you!" She punched upon him. Flinging both herself and Spike deeper into the shadows... 

_9. Write a cross over with two shows that have no business being anywhere NEAR each other. (i.e. something along the lines of Angel meets Xena? Kill me.)_

Meanwhile, Cordelia was walking down the streets of L.A. thinking about nothing at all. Suddenly she felt a tingling sensation. A bright light surrounded her and she found herself in some weird metal room. She couldn't make out to much but she did hear a voice with a hint of a southern accent call out. 

"Dammit Jim, that's a woman not a whale!" 

_8. Out of character dialogue and omission of conjunctions. (i.e. Angel jumped visibly at the sound. Psshaw. You'd be lucky if you got his EYEBROWS to jump! Or (for example) I do not think that would be a good idea stated by ANYONE. Well, except for maybe Wes or Giles. But c'mon. No one talks like that in real life!)_

Back at the office was quiet except for Angels nervous pacing. Wesley was calming reading a book about 400 years old, but Angel's pacing was breaking his concentration. "You ok?" Wesley asked without emotion. 

Angel jumped at the sudden sound and ran out of the room screaming, "You'll never take me ALIVE! NEVER!!!!!" 

Wesley decided to leave things be and not pry into Angels personal affairs. Suddenly in enters Gunn. Wesley asks him if he'd like to watch over the office while Wesley steps out. Gunn replies nervously "I don't think that's a good idea man..." 

_7. The only word directing dialogue is the word . Even worse? followed by a word ending in -ly appearing more than four times in a single story. _

"Why is that?" Wesley said inquiringly. 

"I just don't" Gunn said evasively. 

"Any particular reason?" Wesley said pryingly. 

"I just don't man!" Gunn said angrily. 

"All right then, if that's what you think." Wesley said agreeingly. 

"It is. Hey, what's up with Angel?" Gunn said curiously. 

Wesley shook his head. "I'm not sure, I think he's watching a soap opera." Wesley said informatively. 

_6. Cliché plot lines. (Angel loosing his soul? Oh yeahthat's a fic idea you can credit your muse with. Uh huh. Yup.)_

Angel was watching the episode of 'Lives of One Another' he'd been waiting for since the beginning of the season. Roark was about to declare his love for Vedette. 

"What is it you want to say to me? What could possible make up for what you did!" A shrill blond cried from the screen. 

"Vedette, I love you..." A dark and brooding man replied. 

Angel wiped a tear from his eye. Now if only, if only Vedette would love him back. Angel held his none existent breath waiting for her reply. 

"I....I... oh I love you to!" Both characters embrace and kiss. 

Well, things worked out! Angel couldn't be happier. In fact, you could say this was a moment of pure happiness... Angelus smiled. He just LOVED happy endings! But now it was a snake break... 

_5. Buffy and Angel starting another relationship. (*falls asleep before she can even make smart ass commentary*) _

Wesley was about to go check on Angel when Buffy burst through the door, Riely hot on her heels. "You can't do this to me!" Riely called after her winded. "I love you! Buffy come back!" 

But Buffy was determined to see Angel. Fortunately Angelus had the good sense to remain in his human face as Buffy ran up and kissed him full on the mouth. "I love you" She whispered before laying her head on his shoulder. 

_4. Wesley/Riley slash. (Let's all say it together now _

_) _

Riely stood shocked. How could his little cuddleBuffy do this to him? A single tear slide down his face as 'Unbreak My Heart' started playing in the distance. He turned to Wesley. "How could she?" He asked in a hush whisper. 

"Look," Wesley said, "There are no words I can say right now to make you feel better. So I'll just do this." He grabbed Riely and bent him backwards for a long passionate kiss. 

_3. Rewriting an episode with the actions word for word to the show in the first person to illustrate the character's emotions. (Hello ACTORS? That's what EXPRESSION and SPEECH are for?)_

Buffy cried as thought she would cry forever. "I felt your heart beat!" She exclaimed. "I felt your heart beat! I'll never forget... I'll never forget... I'll never forget..." She kept repeating in a hushed whisper. 

Angelus debated telling her he wasn't human again, just evil. But decided this was more fun. 

_2. Putting themselves in a story. (You know what I mean a freakin main character where the character's of that TV verse actually give a damn about them one way or another. Face it girls, no matter WHAT you think your muse can do, you can't write yourself in as Spike/Doyle/Angel's girlfriend and expect people to LIKE it.)_

Marina Sue burst through the doors with Spike and Cordelia in tow. Stopping for a moment to pry apart Riely and Wesley before the author had to change the rating. She ran over to Angel and allowed a single tear to fall from her eye onto his chest. Magically restoring his soul and returning him to human form. "Do not thank me fair Angel, twas my pleasure to do so!" She replied mystically. "But I must go now." As her face lost it's smile the sky outside broke open with rain. "There are others that need me." 

"Oh no!" Buffy cried. "We need you here! Couldn't you stay? Just long enough to save the world a few times?" 

Mary smiled and again the sun shown. "I wish I could, but I have other series' to visit. Other men to make my lovers. But fear not! Wherever there is a series of moderate success, wherever there are fan fiction writers who wish to be part of that series, the spirit of Mary Sue will be with them!" And with that she flew through the before none existent skylight. 

Cordelia cleared her throat. "'Scuse me, can anyone tell me what just happened?" 

_And the No. 1 Most God Da***d annoying thing a fan fiction writer can do in Celeste's book_

_1. An error so stupid it requires the reader to reread the line SEVERAL times to make sense. (i.e. He did it too times. What the hell is up with that?) _

Wesley replied solomly, "Well ever no." 

The end 

Yes I am insane, please review?? 


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